32. I just turned 32. I'm mostly okay with that. I mean, really, some don't even make it that far. I'm grateful. I like to think that I am old now, but people keep reassuring me that I am still young. Sure, my number says I still have so many years to go, but my head, it tells me another story.
Now, let's set one thing straight. Life is not a race! It is not a fucking competition. Read it again. Tell that to yourself. Again. My life has been anything but perfect. It hasn't been rainbows and butterflies but it hasn't been dragging in a gutter bad either. It's okay... OKAY! Each has their own story, their own troubles, problems, and silver linings and happy endings. It is all what made you who you are. My life has made me... me. So, I am not complaining and I am not saying my life has been better/worse than yours. It just my story.
These past few years and then some have had some severe ups and downs. Each one of those things has propelled me forward through life or made me take a few steps back. So even though I am only 32, I feel much older. In my short 32 years of life I have managed to birth two amazing children, make it to 10 years of marriage, live in a couple of states, travel more than I could ever imagine I would have by 32, I have lost friends and made so many more, I gained an entire family. I have also lost an entire family, some to heaven and others to themselves. I have watched those I love suffer through cancer, heartache, and disaster, through hardship and lost jobs, I watched them pick themselves back up, dust themselves off and move on while others just stay at the bottom. I have hope for them. I have lost myself and found myself time and time again. That's what can happen in 32 years. It's ok.
These things wear on you. They build you up and bring you down. Through it all I continue to smile and laugh, cry and scream, I bottle up the emotions til they burst at the seams. In 32 years of life, I have still yet to figure out all of me, still some mystery left. But, nevertheless, I will live my life each day like there is no tomorrow (clichè?) or at least I am trying to.
That's the best we can do right? Try. So here is to year 32... a year to stop comparing, to believe in me, to be happier and to love more, laugh more often. To let go of the negativity, life is too short for that shit! Before you know it, you will be 32, or 42, or whatever your next birthday is, looking back wondering how you spent your time....
My birthday present to myself is to hopefully inspire you to look beyond what you see. Go do something that inspires you, find something that makes your life better for you, but don't forget about all those things that helped make you who you are today, no matter how many years young you are!
⭐
Ps.
Comments