Letters to Nana #2

Dear Nana,

Beef stew. It's what is in the crockpot. The worst part was that I couldn't call you to figure out exactly what I was supposed to do. I wrote your recipe down YEARS ago and haven't seen it since. It's been a while since I have made your beef stew and the directions were hazy at best. Last night Lance and I sat at the table and brainstormed the ingredients and directions. We debated what size to cut things into, how much of each ingredient to use, what the layers were. I was kind of on the fringe of losing my mind. My heart was so sad.

To most, this might seem trivial. It's a crockpot recipe. For beef stew. How hard can that be?! For us, it's close to our hearts. It was what connected you and me over a 3000-mile span. We couldn't see each other every day but we could share recipes, stories, and tips and tricks about baking and cooking. If I had a question or needed inspiration, I knew I could call you and you had all the answers. 

We wrote it down this time to the best of our ability with the intention of cross-checking the recipe with Grampy this summer. 

This morning, I threw it together. The motions seemed to fit what I thought needed to happen. It looks good, it's starting to smell good... so I must have done something right. Right?

After I finished, my heart felt a little lighter but also a little more cracked open. It's been nearly a year and a half to the date and our hearts really haven't mended much. But, by recreating your favorite recipes, we are keeping your memory alive and sharing stories and laughing and crying and remembering. I plan on creating a family recipe book to share with the kids. With so many family recipes, I want a way to pass them on for as long as we can before we begin to forget everything. 

So Nana, thank you for always believing in me and trusting me with your favorite recipes. We cherish them more than you will ever know. Though I can't call you anymore for help, I will always whisper to you when I am in need, knowing you are listening and guiding me even if I can't see or hear you. I always feel you with me when I'm in the kitchen. <3

Love you always, miss you tons. 

If there is one thing I have learned through losing those close to our hearts... old memories and making new memories are the best way to keep them alive.

One of my favorite songs that always reminds me of the loved ones we have lost over the years <3 Remember them. Pass on stories and recipes and moments. Cry and laugh and think back to different days.