So, I had myself totally convinced that I would keep up with the blog this time. I should have known better. By the time the day ends, and I have a moment to myself, I would much rather watch my Netflix or play with my camera and photos! I have surprisingly enough been able to keep up with my Project 365. Its been a ton of fun and difficult at the same time. Focusing my photos on my everyday life makes me stop and think about each and every moment. I want to capture it all and never forget a thing.
I’m grateful for my love of photography. I have unknowingly been able to capture some of the most amazing moments of my life and the life of my family. It has allowed me to go back and sift through each and every one of my memories, the good, the bad, the sad, the happy. Its love. Happiness. Tears and Pain. Pure breath taking emotion.
Or maybe I just make it complicated… or let my emotion run wild…
But, how can you look at a photograph of a moment of your life and not feel the emotion rush through you?
Yesterdays Project 365 Photo Challenge was Bittersweet, Nostalgic. It was a tough one and I really didn’t want to go down that emotional road, but I always seem to throw myself down it head first. So, here I go again, laying out all my emotion in an attempt to make it all better. I miss them. Terribly.
I’m so happy that my children had the chance to know my grandparents. Their great grandparents. Most don’t have that opportunity. I have wonderful memories with them and wonderful memories of my children with them. I don’t want them to ever forget how much they were loved.
Lately, or more like the last nine months or so, my life has been filled with so many emotions, so many life events that all happened at one time. There are pieces missing from my life. I’ve tried desperately to move on without them. Or maybe, more often than not, trying to replace them with memories and happiness and love. It’s impossible. You can’t replace pieces. You can’t replace something that isn’t really gone. It just feels like they are. My memories will always be with me, their love in my heart. They are always a part of me, even when I feel like something is missing, my heart a little broken.
Just today, while signing my daughter up for kindergarten, something as little as an emergency contact nearly sent me spiraling. Its ok. OK. I have to tell my self that once in a while. It’s ok to cry, to let it all go, even when people are watching. I am the kind of person that will just press forward, be the rock for the ones who need it, like my grandfather. He was the family rock. He told you the truth, he made you laugh, he poked fun, and gave the best hugs. I’m controlling, a control freak I suppose. Like my grandmother, it was her way or the high way, the only way that was right. She told you the truth and you probably didn’t want to hear it. But her heart was gold and she loved us more than the entire universe and then some and still had more to give. It’s been eight months since grandma gained her angel wings and four months since grandpa gained his angel wings and not a day has passed that they haven’t been on my mind. I think about how much like them I really am.
Perhaps, I’m still a little in denial. I don’t think I am ready to move on, but I need to. I have been. I want my kids to know its ok to move on, to be normal, to remember, I want to be their rock like grandpa was for us. A shoulder to cry on, someone to tell them the honest truth, even when its not great, like grandma.
Or maybe… I just don’t want to forget everything <3
My life is still upside down. And I don’t know when that’s going to change. Just so many things that bring back so many memories…
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