I woke up this morning way earlier than I would have liked. I was awake before Lance's first alarm went off, which is not a normal thing I like to do in the summer. The minute I opened my eyes I felt an uneasy feeling. I felt off. Like something was in the back of my mind that was yet to make itself known. I lay there listening to those shuffling around in the kitchen for breakfast and coffee before cruising off to work. Footsteps, garage doors, car engines roaring to life all invading my newly awaken ears. I still couldn't shake the feeling. I was restless. I wanted to get up but couldn't reason with my body to do so, so I tossed and turned, uncomfortable. After the locks have all been fastened, everyone safely tucked into their driver seats, probably blaring their radios (because that's what I would do!) I've had enough. The kids are still sleeping, a rarity. I grab my phone and start that normal that most people have... perusing social media and other various apps on my phone. And up until this morning, Timehop was my favorite.
4 years ago today, my grandma gained her angel wings. She went in for a surgery she had been needing for 16+ years, and she never came home. How have four years gone by? They say it gets easier, but it doesn't. Each year it just changes, but the emotions, the grief, it's all still there. <3 p="">
I get it now, why I was restless.
4 years ago today, my grandma gained her angel wings. She went in for a surgery she had been needing for 16+ years, and she never came home. How have four years gone by? They say it gets easier, but it doesn't. Each year it just changes, but the emotions, the grief, it's all still there. <3 p="">
I get it now, why I was restless.
(5 years ago, we surprised them with an anniversary trip to Reno!)
I remember everything. The first dress you ever bought Zoey. The video games you and Xander would share. When Zoey fell off your back step. When Xander was born, you were through the moon and when you finally got to meet him, you beamed with pride and joy. You and grandpa LOVED Halloween. And spoiling the kids on Christmas. They remember too. We always will. We know you are watching over them as they grow. Xander has a love of technology and video games that would rival yours. And my Zoey, my god is she so much like you, so strong willed and hard headed. I wanted them to have more time with you, but the memories they have, they cherish. <3 p="">
Love <3 p="">
I remember the day we said goodbye. We raced home from camping. I raced to the hospital, never thinking for a moment you would not wake up. We all cried. We prayed so hard that day. But, some of us knew, even if we couldn't come to terms with the thought of not having you with us. You had fought so long and so hard your entire life. Peace is what you were looking for. I accepted it. The best I could anyway. I'm at peace now, I hope the others are too. <3 p="">
(I was probably somewhere between 6 and 8 years old!)
You were a huge part of my life growing up. Those last five years after you moved back were wonderful. I'm grateful to have spent that time with you and grandpa. I'm so grateful my kids got to spend those five years with you both too. I wish I would have taken more time, but I'm glad we had what we had. I think Starbucks is in order today, I'll order your favorite and probably get a little teary-eyed, or maybe just cry. We are healing but never forgetting. Happy 4th angel anniversary Grandma. Go party with Grandpa, tell him to have a beer or four. And I'll go dry my eyes... <3 p="">
Love you Always. Miss you Forever. <3 p="">
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